The End of Pumping
As I’ve shared previously, having enough milk for baby has sometimes been challenging. I returned to work when she was 4-months-old and had to stay on top of things to pump enough for her to drink. Sometimes I took herbs or tinctures, but mostly I made sure to schedule the time by blocking it off on my work calendar. I also tried to stay calm and relaxed, which helped greatly. Fortunately for me, I had a female boss who was very understanding and who pumped until her daughter was 2-years-old when she worked in my position.
The decision to stop pumping was not made lightly. By the time my daughter was 18-months-old, I was pregnant again. By that point I was only pumping once a day and was lucky to get a quarter of an ounce from each side. My little bird drank mostly cow or goat milk during the day when I was gone and could gulp down 6 ounces in a few seconds. It really didn’t seem worth it. There were a few days when work was too hectic and I didn’t pump at all, and I never felt engorged or like I missed it. I wasn’t ready to stop nursing, but I felt I wouldn’t miss that pump one bit. My boss cautioned me that if I quit pumping it would “hasten the end” and shared how her 2-year-old signed “all done” one night when her milk was gone. But after consulting with Robin Kaplan of the San Diego Breastfeeding Center, I decided to take the pressure off. I left my pump at work so that if I felt the need, it would be there. But really, it hasn’t been used since. The verdict? It didn’t really affect my supply.
The End of My Freezer Stash
We have a second fridge/freezer in our garage and I had been storing the last of my freezer stash in there. A few weeks ago it died. By the time I noticed, it was nearly room temperature inside the freezer and everything, including the breast milk, was defrosted. The milk seemed fine, so I gave it all (about 12 bags) to Little Bird over the next 24 hours. Now my daughter is almost 21-months-old. She will live. She’s not EBF. She’s not a newborn. It’s not the end of the world… I told myself all of this, but it was still a little sad.
Is This the End?
The other night was a difficult evening for my toddler. She was overtired since she didn’t nap well, which means fighting going to bed. She hadn’t nursed as much as she usually does, but wanted to turn off the light switch, which is usually our last step. Then she asked to read another book. I told her the options were she could have me sing a song, she could nurse a little more or she could get in her crib. She asked for milky. I said, “Sure, you didn’t nurse much, you can have a little more booboo.”
“No,” she said, “Milky.”
“You mean a sippy cup of goat milk???”
“Yes.” I won’t lie… as much as I have said I wished she would nurse a little less now that I’m pregnant, it was hard not to take the rejection of my milk for animal milk personally. I started worrying if I had “hastened the end.”
“Is the milk all gone?” I asked her.
“Yes,” she said, “Milky” pointing to the kitchen. Then I caught on… crafty little sneaky snake. She was just trying to get out of the bedroom.
“Try one more time and if there is no more booboo milk, I will get you a sippy cup.” And of course she nursed and got more milk. That’s my bright little one, already manipulating mama by her insecurities!
She settled in, nursed and finally got in bed without too much more trouble. We are not done yet!
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